I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
