Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
