you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
