No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
