Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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