They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I need a beard to bite.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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