Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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