Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
