If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
