so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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