I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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