I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
