i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
