If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
