Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
