Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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