Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
