Don't you send me to vm
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize