I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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