3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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