"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
