Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
