Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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