He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
