I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
