I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
