i wish my penis had a tongue
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
