People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
