Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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