I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
