god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
