Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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