I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize