My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
