Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
soo... how was my night?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize