I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
