Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
