Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
