I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
