if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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