I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I cockslap morals
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
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