So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
