Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I smell stomach acid.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
