Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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