Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
you didnt know i had herpes?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
