Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
