She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
