Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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