I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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