Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
