u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize