You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
