totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
