fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
