I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
