She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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