Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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