Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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