I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
