hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I need moral support for this bender
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
