Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I love having hate sex.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
