She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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