Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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