True but thats because hes a fetus.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
