I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
