People in love make me want to vomit
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
