U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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