dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
did i just pee glitter
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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