i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
