I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
